autowitch

Election

2009-11-08T04:48:24Z

Finally got brave enough to look at election results. Colorado. Springs. Is. Fucked.

The art of darkness

2009-10-30T03:03:37Z

There is all sorts of happiness over at Shadow Manor:

http://www.shadowmanor.com/blog/

And all sorts of interesting projects:

Mummified fairy: http://www.shadowmanor.com/blog/?p=4378

Framed Spiderwebs: http://www.shadowmanor.com/blog/?p=2917

Desktop Graveyard: http://www.shadowmanor.com/blog/?p=2827

Item not as described

2009-10-25T17:36:54Z

A friend of mine pointed me to this wonderful site full of CraigsList and eBay offers that you really cannot afford to pass up.

http://itemnotasdescribed.com/

There's amazing things there to behold.

But... it left me wondering. What sort of joys are there hiding in my local CraigsList for sale section. Let's find out.

Quoth the advert:

AROUND 800 USED TIRES (Austinbluffs)
Date: 2009-10-08, 1:51PM MDT
Reply to: [removed] [Errors when replying to ads?]

Free tires, for wind breaking, land fill, what ever you want. Not going to say if they will hold air. There is about 800 tires. NO PICKING
Reply to this site, or call [removed]. Mike

Also good for burning.

Quoth the advert (emphasis mine):

turkey fryer full of peanut oil..... (80911)
Date: 2009-10-01, 11:06AM MDT
Reply to: [removed] [Errors when replying to ads?]

i have a turkey fryer full of used probably icky oil. i am keeping the turkey fryer. you need to provide container(s), for pick up and i can not help you in any way. its too heavy for me to even push. im located by the lowes in fountain. no emails call me please. first come first serve. you can either get it this evening, any time tomorrow, or anytime sunday. (not available saturday). thank you please call [removed].

Turkey fryer + "icky oil" - turkey fryer = Fun! I can think of a thousand uses for this!

Like...

Well... Burning. That's all I've got actually. Burning.

Quoth the advert:

Free Aged Horse Manure (East Colorado Springs)
Date: 2009-10-19, 1:13PM MDT
Reply to: [removed] [Errors when replying to ads?]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Free horse manure, aged about 4 to 5 months. Manure has no bedding mixed in and has a minimal amount of hay (which is great to help soil retain water). Perfect for your garden, planting trees or tilling into the ground for that lawn you plan on putting in. In a pile and ready to be hauled away. Very light and easy to load. 1 or more truckloads available. Bring a truck and shovel and take any amount you need. We are just off Hwy. 94, 10 min. East of Peterson AFB. Serious inquiries only please! Please don't e-mail if you are not going to pick up. Thanks!

I know there are perfectly good uses for aged horse manure. However, when I see an ad for what is basically a free mound of shit.

But, what I think is missing here is some creativity. What are the possibilities of a huge mound of shit? The possibilities are endless. Want the essence of having a horse farm without the horses? Have a neighbour you don't like? Interested in producing crap sculpture? A little something for the kiddos? It's good for presents, king of the (shit) hill[1], or you could hose it down and make the most putrid "slip and slide" ever. Halloween is coming up! There's some real costume possibilities here! Or maybe you just want the simple joy of having a huge mound of shit in the front yard?

Oh, and of course, burning.

Quoth the advert:

Fence Posts in Concrete (South Black Forest)
Date: 2009-09-26, 9:27AM MDT
Reply to: [removed] [Errors when replying to ads?]

We have around 50 galvanized steel fence posts set in concrete for free. They posts are around 5 feet high. Take one or take them all.

YOU NEED TO DIG THEM UP AND HAUL. Great deal for anyone installing fencing.

Serious inquiries only.

So, let's see. A quick google search shows that galvanized fence posts run around 10 bucks. Or, you could head out and dig these up for free. I'm glad this isn't a situation where someone has some crap they want to get rid of and it's going to take a whole lot of work to get rid of it. So they decided to trick someone into doing it for free by labeling it as "free". Yep, really glad that's not what is going on here.

Not good for burning :-(

Quoth the advert:

FREE MULCH and Pine tree stumps (Garden of the Gods)
Date: 2009-10-23, 4:58PM MDT
Reply to: sale-re28e-1434950238@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

About 4 or 5 truckloads of free mulch and also mixed tree stumps. ALL FREE TO GOOD HOME.
Bring your truck. I will not deliver. call [removed]

So this ad is not that interesting. There are tons of ads for free mulch, leaves (although I'm waiting for someone to notice the previous ad and have the "free leaves - you rake" ad), dirt, broken concrete, and other such offerings.

What's interesting here is "ALL FREE TO GOOD HOME". What, pray tell, is a good home for old stumps? The company of other old stumps? They can sit around and tell tall tales of when they were trees? How healthy are these old stumps? Do I need to provide old stump insurance for them? What do they eat? I really need to know these things before I take the responsibility for old stumps. I'm not sure that I'm up to it.

Also, good for burning. Not as good as the tires though.

Quoth the advert:

Newspapers from 2000 election Bush-Gore+
Date: 2009-10-24, 8:05AM MDT
Reply to: [removed] [Errors when replying to ads?]

I have some old newspapers from the Bush Gore election 2000 if anyone one is a collector of stuff like that. Also one when Clinton was Impeached 1998 and a couple from the war - 2003
GOING IN THE TRASH AT NOON
All from the Gazette.

Oh yeah. That's right, I live in Colorado Springs.

Excellent for burning.

Footnotes
1. I can't really think of anything that would prepare the kiddos for the real world any better.

Average cats

2009-10-21T04:11:29Z

Ok. Last one for tonight. I'm tired of texting all these. And my finger is sore.

If you need an explanation for LOLCats, this may help.

http://averagecats.com/

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Wedinator

2009-10-21T04:06:18Z

WTF?! (and NSFW)

The will to snark had died.

http://wedinator.com/

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Lovely listing

2009-10-21T04:01:43Z

Since I happen to be looking for a new place to live, it's a good idea to see what sort of properties are available.

http://lovelylisting.com/

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

You suck at craigslist

2009-10-21T03:50:19Z

Ok. Let's try this again.

http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/

It is pretty much what you think it is.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

You suck at craigslist

2009-10-21T03:48:53Z

http://www.yousuckatcraigslist.com/

Pretty much just what it says it is.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Ok... So....

2009-10-21T03:29:01Z

Awo is down and probably is going to be down for a very long time. And I found crap on the web I want to share.

First up
http://www.regretsy.com/

The best(?) of etsy. NSFW. Painful. Stuff that will be in my nightmares.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

It's been forever

2009-07-23T05:05:29Z

For a very loose definition of forever.

Anyway, I am still alive

Unity the kitteh is demanding attention.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

autowitch @ 2009-06-09T22:35:00

2009-06-10T03:35:53Z

Spin spin spin *WHAP* spin spin *WHAP* spin spin spin spin *WHAP* spin spin spin spin spin spin spin hey! I got it! *WHAP* *WHAP* *THUD*

autowitch @ 2009-06-09T22:34:00

2009-06-10T03:34:16Z

Sometimes the free pizza is something you want to stay far, far away from.

autowitch @ 2009-06-02T21:54:00

2009-06-03T02:54:00Z

i am back home. whew!

autowitch @ 2009-04-02T10:50:00

2009-04-02T15:50:49Z

You've probably been wondering how I've been able to stay in contact throughout all the weirdness and from all the places I've been...

autowitch @ 2009-03-31T11:03:00

2009-03-31T16:06:50Z

It's worse than I thought. It's The Detroit News from March 31, 2009.

autowitch @ 2009-03-30T13:33:00

2009-03-30T18:36:28Z

Searching for $0.25

autowitch @ 2009-03-24T12:08:00

2009-03-24T17:11:05Z

I COME FROM THE PAST TO TELL YOU THAT.... NUKING YOURSELVES IS A BAD IDEA. BUT I THINK YOU MAY HAVE ALREADY FIGURED THAT OUT.

autowitch @ 2009-03-23T18:25:00

2009-03-23T23:28:09Z

HELLO PEOPLE IN THE FUTURE!

autowitch @ 2009-03-17T10:48:00

2009-03-17T15:49:51Z

My God! I must be in the future! Or a bad science fiction movie. I'm betting on the future.

autowitch @ 2009-03-13T13:49:00

2009-03-13T18:50:09Z

Crap. The elevator works. I didn't have to take the stairs.

autowitch @ 2009-03-13T12:23:00

2009-03-13T17:24:12Z

Heading back down.

autowitch @ 2009-03-13T10:43:00

2009-03-13T15:44:22Z

It looks like the black hole just dropped things at random. The buildings of Chicago in the distance make for a surreal skyline.

autowitch @ 2009-03-12T15:20:00

2009-03-12T20:21:05Z

I've found a lot of Chicago too... The Sears tower is upside down, Tribune tower at a funny angle.

autowitch @ 2009-03-12T15:00:00

2009-03-12T20:01:15Z

There is nothing around me but the desolate ruins of this city.

autowitch @ 2009-03-12T10:30:00

2009-03-12T15:30:57Z

I've taken the stairs up to the tops of one of the buildings to get a look around. (and I'm really tired).