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Sunday, August 7th, 2011
5:12 pm - The latest from C. Springs

Originally published at autowitch.org. Please leave any comments there.

I like to catch up on the news whenever I head back down to C. Springs.

Here’s the latest:

Gay and Lesbian Fund signs on I-25 vandalized

Memorable quote: And while she [Mary Lou Makepeace] doesn’t believe that they persuade people to homophobia, she says ‘there are messages, occasionally in this community, that could be described as homophobic.’”

Church security office handcuffs and searches autistic teen for “acting suspicious”

Memorable quote: “‘The security team is pretty well-trained,’ says Reza, adding that the officers handcuffed Garion ‘to protect this young man from himself and other congregants.’

The gay community speaks out to a blank wall after a hate crime

This one hit national news – You can use Duck Duck Go to find the stories.

Memorable quotes: “With the help of local Democrats and the Colorado Springs Pride Center, the gay community held a rally Tuesday outside City Hall, pressing for action rejecting hate crimes. About 50 people showed up to hear speakers, including Chuck Bader of the Colorado Springs Area Labor Council, who said of Bach’s inaction: ‘You are sending a message to the people of Colorado Springs that it is now open season on gay people.’”

In response to the rally:

“Other Councilors were less diplomatic. Lisa Czelatdko turned on the group, saying, ‘I resent the perpetration that Colorado Springs is a city of ignorance and intolerance.’”

Thursday, August 4th, 2011
3:11 pm - Fuck you Google

Originally published at autowitch.org. Please leave any comments there.

Google+ has banned me. Apparently my name violates “community standards”. I’ve been going by this name for far longer than Google has existed. I don’t feel any particular need to prove who I am.

Some further information…

I received no notification that I the ban hammer was being dropped. Whenever I would try to do anything with Google+, I would get the unexpectedly unhelpful message “The application was unable to communicate with the cloud” or the other not-so-useful message, “There was a problem saving your post. Please try again”.

It took a while to find that I had been banned. Even when finding it, the reasons were only vaguely specified.

I addition, I’ve been using this same name in Google applications for years (and pretty much everything else). They collect a lot of information through these apps. They should already know about me.

So, let’s see. We’ve got. No notification, no warnings, inconsistent application, constantly changing requirements, (there’s been quite a bit of documentation on all of these – you can use Duck Duck Go to check it out).

So far, it looks like Bradley Horowitz’s assurances that:

  • A warning and a chance to correct their name in advance of any suspension, although an account will be suspended right away if a person is violating other policies such as spam or abuse.
  • A clear indication of how to edit a name to conform to Google’s standards.
  • Better communication regarding next steps and timeframes for those who are engaged in the suspension process.

appear to be empty promises.

You all can reach me at autoTHEwitch [at] autoPINwitch [dot] org. Remember to pull THE PIN before lobbing an email.

If you want to send me hate mail, direct that to fuckTHEyou [at] autoPINwitch [dot] org. Again, remember to pull THE PIN before lobbing an email.

3:08 pm - Sisterhood is Magic

Originally published at autowitch.org. Please leave any comments there.

In the morning, when Princess Celestia receives her mail, there is a letter that reads:

Dear Princess Celestia,

I just wanted to let you know that I am still upset about being imprisoned on the moon for one thousand years.


Your sister, Luna

This happens. Every. Single. Day.

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011
1:39 am - My Little [Censored]

Originally published at autowitch.org. Please leave any comments there.

Saturday, July 30th, 2011
5:22 am - For generating enmity and discord.

Originally published at autowitch.org. Please leave any comments there.

I’m reading a ninth century grimoire – the Picatrix.  This is a difficult, obfuscated book, laden with traps for the unwary. For instance, there are healing potions that call for large amounts of bitter almond. 

And then I found this wonderful confection.

For generating enmity and discord.

These confections are compounded for enmity and ill will. Take four ounces of the blood of a black dog, two ounces each of pig blood and brains, and one ounce of donkey brains. Mix all this together until well blended. When you give this medicine to someone in food or drink, he will hate you.

Saturday, July 23rd, 2011
5:42 am - The Rainbow Dash Project

Originally published at autowitch.org. Please leave any comments there.

Three bronies sequestered themselves to write MLP fanfic. They were never seen again.

Three months later their story was found.

This is the unedited text of that story.

The Story

[Unintelligible] verge of sewing Festival in the filly was back a cup, wonder is real name.”

Now the Princess burned interrupted when you and animals accompletion.” Sweetie Belle was astound she came informal ability.”

“Well, we conversatisfying so point of exile. I believe that’s eyes I notice away to do?”

“Her smile as our question was still hear the more mare seem to tell, she didn’t I ever those wrestling come to the Everfree. It’s and be mornin’ a vest into her,” Trixie knew she concentrated Daisy could say thesome and they take a pointed thing.”

“All of tracking give up a moments ear, and she complete. The through to stand at no long afternoon a real, this.” Applejack – were head back there! And had to cheered in should you go from a still leave. Sadly it was all this sorry, Twilight. She four fault,” Scootal magic undoing through the spell create the moment I can do you? She’s you’re lucky, she reading it was so lucky, the match for Gifted Unicorn replied, “What… just done.

[Lengthy section scratched out]

“May I helped forward from the filly’s requencess’s touched outward see the Princess looked at time was kind of these thing to go about and festooner you have your first?” Sweetie Belle to her, pour three. [Passage scratched out] Rarity was if somepony that’s. If they are the concent, and the library and them; the one the library.”

“Thank you look like answer one other teeth was other feet little everypony, “We will swore all be remain flow over that for? Her eyes, right. Well tell me yourse Minor did not about it was times, and Play controllable laught.

But soon front of Rarity’heart is no way and events of the quicked and pupils no double chirped, “Twilight supposed to get back . “Um… you three days, Twilight had once. That’s hand there was a stories thought to followed in back from their light immediately magic… well, I dare at and Powerful Trixie stepped in batted out of the fashion. Perhaps the cuff of them was a dress.” Twilight.”

“No, the day drew the fillies they were. She streams. The forest it but think, “Ha, it’s a sort of those last went a list of what her view of the back against four friends. So, Twilight. But Twilightmare Moon at here into the could their distake, is a secret is safe much too… but what informal.”


“Whoa the Crusading. Those did themselves, ready well her head. “No dice Applebuck yet?”

Twilight’s eyepiece. Why?

I remembered but I don’t magic and surreal the sounds kind of rustling complete spell and rebuilt it that Rarity squirm single of annoy her face. She strange, and was no longer. What until every new flowers.

On a questional one that her irritable. The stepped for a little flattering as she was doing by some sleep. “The spells that hadn’t coming formal dinner to finally opened it thank you Rarity, Applejack to look on hand hunk of it. Then, they had felt herself, after was he she’d walked world its century. She returned from the manor’s own eccents and hope. Now, I want you may not just sit up, when show any better what had received at threatened to agreed and you in the admitted, but the royal told something as she in apprecially force the Cutie Belle portrayed her today sparkled as they’re doing now, and Celestia didn’t live it and stepping to information was Night could for that the world.

Trixie awoke wing back bravely an hour… but… you have you froM taInTing tHEm…eh heh.”

“It’s small was if the beast’s at time enough, their eyes were the Cutie Belle snorted. “Because she done momenon you can figured stationary. [Unintelligible] While Trixie dare each other, single, slide for months not each of it… 8… 7… 6… 5… such a wave school, has suffice. [Unintelligible]

They do?” Trixie knew the window, I could have, however, burning and with tick a chance the peach-pink eyes and had the time when whoever an it is to thing parties the figures nothing to undoubted her end… frustrated group moved to that following the silken sent to know it wouldn’t this, but if she receptioning for her.”
Rarity, Apple Bloom far beyond.

“Still, I do be more marvelous! I can see with friends will she knew.

And then she has. Your Highness!”

“I’m greath told muster any of for her assistance. The other pony startled you home something for, informed back to the accompanying settled important could be our climbing a race to haven…” Twilight goin’ I know what was she reared by that?”

Nyx nodded with the didn’t close her off foreveral dash said an example, “Your room – stopped, and not every step.

“Thanks for? Her expertly their level enough that had pony.” Rarity said to get fitted for you and Twilight drop or Challenege?” Apple Bloom.

“While that disbelieve that tea to function to get too small cheerily flipped mare nudge from offered, movie that had laid with tea very last now strongly and Applejack motions well. Moving it do you gotten a very exam for you managed her shop before the courage haven’t what had to added. Trixie worried to do?” Rarity asked, and for her head “In an in at a school at guest room earlier the most.”

“For Equestria’s every pony with that cabin! We should come to you helping to get to the designer was families. I can bla [Text ends abruptly]

Notes of the Discovery of the Text

The text was located in an upstairs bedroom of a vacant house in the Victor/Goldfield area. This site is over 30 miles away from the last known location of the missing trio. Neither vehicles nor personal items were missing. It is not known how the text arrived in the remote location where it was discovered.

The presence of historic mining in the area, with the accompanying dangers of subsidence, open stoping and shafts, and the activity at a nearby open pit mine will make it difficult to find the writers if there was an accident or they encountered foul play.

The text was in relatively good condition when found. Some sections appeared to be torn or scratched out. The pages were found neatly stacked and held in place with a stone.

Brief Commentary

To put it mildly, this is a difficult text to read. The grammar is bizarre, there is no obvious plot and the text meanders in unpredictable directions.

Some have speculated that the text is intentionally obtuse. Others suspect that it may contain an encoded message. It is likely, however, that the text is the result of illness or duress.

Unusual for this day and time, the text was handwritten. The names of the two of the missing were across the first of the pages. The upper right corner of that page was missing. It is probable that the name of the third person also appeared on the page.

While the writing style is out of character for any of the authors, the handwriting is consistent with one of the people involved. It is unlikely that this text is a hoax.

The handwriting remains consistent throughout the piece.

Note: Relatives of the missing have requested that names not be disclosed.

2:47 am - What happens when…

Originally published at autowitch.org. Please leave any comments there.

You run overly fluffy new age text through a Markhov chain generator?

Let me tell you.


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People who you

To be honest, I think it’s an improvement. Certainly not any worse.

Here’s the source material.

And a Markhov chain generator to play with.

Thursday, July 7th, 2011
3:39 am - Whack Job Wednesday

Originally published at autowitch.org. Please leave any comments there.

Paranoids, conspiracy theorists and whackos, I present your king.

Wednesday, July 6th, 2011
2:38 pm - Baby got flank

Originally published at autowitch.org. Please leave any comments there.

I suppose this was inevitable

Thursday, June 30th, 2011
7:36 pm - Redneck Zombie Love

Originally published at autowitch.org. Please leave any comments there.

Such a sad, sad song…

Monday, June 6th, 2011
4:46 pm - Escape!

Originally published at autowitch.org. Please leave any comments there.

Tired of the everyday grind? Ever dream of a life of romantic adventure? Want to get away from it all? We offer you… Escape!

And I have managed to escape! Yep, I’m leaving Colorado Springs. And this is part of my…

Escape Route


  • 1 oz Gold Rum
  • 1/2 oz Strawberry Liqueur
  • 1 oz Punt e Mes
  • 4 oz Lemonade


  1. Enjoy the view of Colorado Springs in the rear view mirror
  2. Extend finger
  3. Get to wherever you are going
  4. Pour ingredients into an ice filled highball glass.
  5. Garnish with a sprig of mint
  6. Drink
4:40 pm - 31 Nerdy Jokes in Four Minutes

Originally published at autowitch.org. Please leave any comments there.

Exactly what it says on the tin.

Friday, May 27th, 2011

Originally published at autowitch.org. Please leave any comments there.

Yay for Friday bizarro music.

This week is not exactly music. This is more not music like. It’s avant garde poetry by Raoul Hausmann. You could probably throw some beats to it and that would be fun.

I personally recommend Phonemes. The sheer awesomeness of this track cannot be disputed.

9:07 pm - Double Rainbow Dash all Across the Sky

Originally published at autowitch.org. Please leave any comments there.

Wednesday, May 25th, 2011
4:03 am - question mark exclamation point question mark exclamation point question mark exclamation point

Originally published at autowitch.org. Please leave any comments there.

Tuesday, May 24th, 2011
11:46 pm - Early Wacko!

Originally published at autowitch.org. Please leave any comments there.

:JUDGE:David-Wynn: Miller has developed a “Correct Sentence Structure Syntax Grammar” for causing all sorts of havoc in the legal system.

Here’s a little snippet so you can get a feel for the language.






You can read much, much, much more stuff that looks exactly like this at dwmlc.com.

3:48 pm - Cats, Pop Tarts and Rainbows

Originally published at autowitch.org. Please leave any comments there.

Get all the Nyan Cat you can stand.

I like the part where it goes nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan.

And more….

Some people aren’t expecting Nyan Cat

And finally, Slipknot vs. Nyan

If you play all these at the same time, you will probably die.

Monday, May 23rd, 2011
4:41 pm - Post Rapture Wrap Up

Originally published at autowitch.org. Please leave any comments there.

I (with quite a bit of help from people world wide) have been able to get a final tally of exactly who was raptured. Here is the final list.

  • Hill, Warren
  • Abreu, Ares
  • Ahmad, Thea
  • Alvarado, Elizabeth
  • Awet, Aziz
  • Baši?, Tomo
  • Bauerová, Eva
  • Beike, Dieter
  • Bergovec, Endrit
  • Berkley, Wendell
  • Billiot, Helen
  • Busch, Maik
  • Carson, Fern
  • ?ech, Zden?k
  • Challinor, Darcy
  • Chukwubuikem, Chiekwugo
  • Clément, Quennel
  • Conti, Erminia
  • Cormier, Guerin
  • Cornelius, Ricky
  • Dahlak, Girma
  • DeRose, Michelina
  • DeRose, Gildo
  • Eberhardt, Marina
  • Farmer, Ralph
  • Ferguson, Cameron
  • Focht, Irene
  • Foster, Evelyn
  • Frith, Lilly
  • Gorska, Leokadia
  • Goto, Ukito
  • Grabowski, Wiktor
  • Graves, Nieves
  • Hagos, Hamid
  • Harewood, Harold
  • Hargrove, Mindy
  • Herz, Daniel
  • Holm, Herbert
  • Holmes, Robert
  • Holmgren, Susanna
  • Hubert, Delina
  • Hugo, Renee
  • Jankovi?, Hrvoslav
  • Juhl, Gisela
  • Juriši?, Nediljka
  • Jurkovi?, Sanjin
  • Kemppainen, Helmi
  • Kertész, Klaudia
  • King, Krystian
  • Koku, Takehiro
  • Komárková, Radka
  • Kroeker, Stephen
  • Kun, Nikoletta
  • Kutz, Stephanie
  • Lerma, Edison
  • Lo Duca, Adalgiso
  • Maan, Kees
  • Macansh, Emma
  • Major, Willie
  • Manning, Josh
  • Martinez, Shelly
  • Mataln, Rozvita
  • Matthews, Sonya
  • Meyer, Mike
  • Moon, Andrew
  • Moore, Shirley
  • Myles, Jacqueline
  • Nebay, Hagosa
  • Nnabuife, Chinedum
  • Odonnell, Everett
  • Oneal, Rosa
  • Ontiveros, Ailén
  • Osborn, Sue
  • Palmer, Terry
  • Patrick, Nicholas
  • Pavi?i?, Dalibor
  • Péter, Bertuska
  • Phan, Ch?
  • Phillips, Mary
  • Posavec, Aleksandra
  • Powers, Trisha
  • Pranji?, Antonia
  • Pritchett, Anne
  • Quillen, Allison
  • Romppanen, Olga
  • Ross, Kendall
  • Ruelas, Laurindo
  • Saári, Katakin
  • Sakai, Komaki
  • Sárközi, Krisztina
  • Schilling, Claude
  • Schmitt, Kevin
  • Schuster, Emil
  • Shadid, Ma’ruf
  • Sigurlaugsson, Hallgrímur
  • Sigvaldadóttir, Lára
  • Soderquist, Roberto
  • Spencer, Jack
  • Stonor, Stella
  • Taylor, Margaret
  • Temesgen, Sebhat
  • Teodros, Kifle
  • Tri?u, Sáu
  • Trowbridge, Jennifer
  • Underhill, Helen
  • Wall, Louie
  • Warren, Judy
  • Williams, Michael
  • Workman, Michael
  • Worrall, Jaxon
  • ?????,??????
  • ??, ?
  • ??, ??
  • ???, ?
  • ??, ???
  • ??, ?
  • ?, ??

Percent of world population raptured: 0.000001727

If you are not on this list, well, I suppose God didn’t love you as much as you thought he did.

4:13 pm - Shockin’ the Tardis

Originally published at autowitch.org. Please leave any comments there.

Arc Attack and their singing Tesla coils!

And last year…

4:07 pm - Post Rapture Bender

Originally published at autowitch.org. Please leave any comments there.

So that’s it. Rapture’s over. No salvation for you.

Time to make your own…



  • 2 Oz Bacardi gold rum
  • 2 Oz Absolut vodka
  • 2 Oz Hennessy cognac
  • 2 Oz Jack Daniel’s Tennessee whiskey
  • 2 Oz Red Bull energy drink
  • 1 Oz Some random tropical type fruit juice
  • 1 Oz Cranberry juice
  • 1 Oz Orange juice
  • 1 Splash grapefruit juice


There’s a lot of ingredients, so let’s keep the instructions simple…

  1. Throw all the shit an a shaker. Give it a good shake. Toss it back. I suppose if you don’t happen to have a mixer handy, you could just drink it all real fast and jump around for a bit. That’ll work too.
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